The Skin Tone Mindset

For the most part, tonight was a lovely evening. We had made plans to see Deadpool after work so in the interest of time, we met up at the theater. The movie was good and we had an enjoyable time.

As we were headed back into the neighborhood, both of us waiting at the red light in the single left turn lane, I noticed a county sheriff's car in the lane to our right. For me, even if I know I've done nothing wrong, seeing law enforcement makes me anxious. As much as it annoys, angers, and humiliates me, that is the truth. The light turned green and as soon as my boyfriend started to turn, the sheriff to my right turned out the red and blue lights and turned in front of me (from a non turning lane, mind you) and proceeded to pull my boyfriend over.

Immediately, I panicked. What am I supposed to do? Do I keep driving and get out of the way? Do I stay and act as a witness? Would staying to watch out for him cause trouble for myself unnecessarily? Trouble for him? What could he possibly have been pulled over for? What is happening? Is he going to be okay?

In the span of about three seconds, I ran through a billion thoughts but continued on. I noted the time, circled the block and then pulled into his driveway and waited. How long does a traffic stop normally take? I told myself I'd wait ten minutes from the time I noted before I'd get concerned. I thought about casually circling back to the point where he was pulled over just to make sure things were okay, to make sure he wasn't being roughed up, to see that he wasn't being treated unfairly, to see that he was still in good health and not in need of a eye witness or medical help. Fortunately, it didn't come to that point as he soon joined me in his driveway and we walked into the house. It was then that I realized that he doesn't have the same fear as I do, he doesn't have to worry about the same things that I do, he doesn't have the same experiences and reactions that I do. It was that moment that I realized that I didn't have to be worried or terrified for his sake because I forgot about one some thing that makes the whole situation a different, inconsequential event; my boyfriend is white.

More than anything, I am so disturbed that my initial reaction to this event was one of terror and defensiveness. Based on how things have been America lately, its understandable but I didn't realize that I had been so deeply affected until tonight. Because all he has to deal with is an expired registration ticket and a fine rather than becoming a news story turned hash tag, I am so grateful that my boyfriend is white.

I'm Changing My Perspective

So, awhile back, I promised that i'd be sharing the details of my journey trying to figure out what the heck is going on in my body. I've been doing a ton of research online and reading as many books as my library card and schedule permit me to consume. For quite awhile, I was carrying around Adrenal Fatigue for Dummies. Actually, I ended up buying it because the library wouldn't let me renew it anymore. Because the book had so much information that seemed to relate to my life, I headed over to Amazon and purchased my own copy.

Lots of lab work has been done and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis but Adrenal Fatigue has been ruled out. At this point in my life, I don't really want to be medicated if its not absolutely necessary. I'm hoping to find out more about what ails me so that I can understand how it works and then learn how to combat or reverse it.

Waking up everyday feeling like I haven't really slept, having pain from a touch that shouldn't be painful, feeling sluggish and bloated after consuming my body's tolerance level of sugar, getting confused by something that really should be simple, feeling my muscles spasm and grow weak from the simple daily activities such as opening a door, and long for my bed by 7pm only to have trouble falling/staying asleep once I get to bed is wreaking way too much havoc on my life and I'm not having it anymore.

My goal is to understand this foolishness that has decided to take up residence in my body without invitation and evict it with the quickness. Not only is this MY body, my body is a temple that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has declared as his residence. With that said, SOMETHING has got to go. I'm choosing to evict Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and all of its baggage and drama. I'm a 29 year old female and i'm too young, healthy, and blessed to be bound by some hot mess foolishness.

I refuse to cry another tear over this situation so I choose to speak life and healing over my body and because I am claiming that over my life and believing my God for it, I believe that I shall have what I ask. (You think i'm talking some craziness? Go read Mark 11:24. I believe God's word!) With that said, I will do my best to be more consistent with my updates and sharing my story. If I don't update for a bit, just assume that I fell asleep on the couch before Dancing With The Stars came on.

*Note: This post took on a more religious feel that I originally intended but I am listening to Break Every Chain by Tasha Cobbs. I'm taking that as a sign.

It's about time!

Wow. Okay. So it's been awhile since I've written anything here. SO MUCH has changed so I guess i'll start there.

1. I moved across the country, with two suitcases and a backpack in May of 2014, to follow my heart and be closer to the man I love.

2. I took a job at a Fortune 500 company that I never expected to achieve or be interested in and turned out to be decent at it.

3. I got laid off from said job at a Fortune 500 company. I got a severance package which gave me what I like to call my paid grown up extended Spring Break.

4. I was offered a new job at another large company which I start this coming Monday.

5. I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and i'm trying to figure it all out.

Through my reading and research about just about anything and everything, I find that reading other people's personal experiences seem to make more sense and are more relate-able than reading all the scientific mumbo-jumbo. As I go through my experiments and experiences, i'll be sharing them here (within reason). So, maybe this blog will help someone else who may be going through something. Maybe it will help me get some things off my chest. Maybe it will help me not overburden the people closest to me. Either way, I hope it helps someone.  

Getting back in the saddle

Wowzers, it's been a while since I've shared more crazy stuff about my life. Soooooo much has changed in my life and I'll definitely have to break it all down soon. For now, I'm grateful that life is always changing.

Let's Be Real #12

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of posts, comments, and hash tags of people claiming that something of theirs is indeed better than yours. Example: #mymacandcheeseisbetterthanyours on an Instagram pic or FB status saying "My Bible study is cooler than yours!" Did I miss the memo that caused a bunch of my near 30 year old (give or take a few years) acquaintances started this stupid idea of comparing EVERYTHING in life?!? Apparently so, and THANK GOD I did. These dumbo social media peons are annoying the crap out of me, cluttering up my news feed, and most importantly, displaying a lack of maturity. Let's be real: if you have to announce that your (insert thing that no one knew you had, nor is it cared about, here) is indeed better/cooler/awesomer/whatever than what any other person on earth may have, you can guarantee that you have just convinced me that whatever object you're bragging about sucks harder than a turbo powered Dyson with its cyclonic engine that indeed never loses suction. Stop comparing and just enjoy life.