Let's Be Real #10

I've seen the news multiple times today and the reports about President Obama being in California bother me. They didn't bother me because of any negative feelings toward him, I was bothered because ABC chose to spend so much time interviewing people and discussing the fact that his visit would affect traffic. Come on, its Los Angeles people! I had to wait for the next time they covered the story to hear why he was actually here. Let's be real; if even the news can't adequately report the news, our society is in super huge trouble.

You can't wait? YOU get married!

As most of you know, I've been with The Boy for quite a while now. Somewhere close to two years I'd say. Because of that (and maybe my age), people keep asking me "When are you going to get married?" as if they expect me to say "Three weeks from Saturday. YAY!" Honestly, I find this question absolutely annoying for a few reasons. Have you ever asked someone when he/she would be getting married? When asking that question, did you ever think about the idea that maybe said couple is enjoying the current phase of the relationship? With the divorce rate at 50% and climbing, I would say that it is super important to know as much about what I'd be getting into and who I'd be getting into it with. I plan to get married once and stay that way until death do us part, not just until I get tired of picking up his socks in random places around the house. Right now, we have a plan to enjoy our relationship as it is. We'll live in the same time zone for a while and continue to enjoy our relationship as we learn more about each other and decide if marriage is the best decision for us. Doesn't that plan make more sense than getting married just because everyone else feels the time is right?

I know, asking about a potential engagement is usually asked with a positive and hopeful intention. Thinking about an upcoming wedding usually gets the excitement and anticipation flowing, especially in someone who actually hopes to get married someday. As much as we all get tired of grandma reminding us that she was married by this age and try to deflect by stating that it was a different time, a little bit of that pestering sticks. When the mailbox holds yet another wedding invitation which serves as a decorative reminder that you're still legally single, it can inspire thoughts of weddings and marriage. Those thoughts aren't necessarily bad. Having thoughts and wondering "Why haven't I gotten married yet?" or going further and asking "When is it going to be MY turn?" can change a girl's mindset for the worse. A girl who was previously content with being a girlfriend to an awesome boyfriend is now over thinking EVERYTHING pertaining to the relationship. 

Like I said, we have a plan. How many times have YOU made plans only for someone (or multiple someones) to volunteer their opinion that kinda swayed your thoughts on your original plan? Even if it doesn't happen a ton of the time, if it happens to be a thought on an important issue or event in your life, an outside perspective can be a big influence. With that said, just because we've been together about two years doesn't mean that we have to get engaged and get married right away. Our relationship is not a batch of cookies that needs to come out of the oven when a certain amount of time has been reached. Its really not fair of other people to try to plant seeds in my head or ask a ton of questions just because things aren't happening on their schedule. You can't wait? YOU get married!

The biggest reason why this whole thing bothers me is this; the impatient questions and comments can build expectation. When those expectations aren't met or are not met as soon as I'd like, it breeds resentment. I wont be upset because The Boy ate the last of my Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Ha! Like he'd ever eat that.) or because he watches the television too loud. At that point, I'd be getting upset with him because he hasn't lived up to the timeline from someone else that infiltrated my mind and made me feel like something is wrong because he hasn't proposed yet. The worst part about it is that the poor guy wouldn't even understand why such anger and resentment exists and where it came from. Its not fair to him. Its not fair to me. Its not fair to us. 

I want a marriage not just a wedding. Is that what you're so anxious for? I'm pretty sure most people are interested in coming to the ceremony/party and don't really care about the day to day happenings within the resulting marriage. Anyone can have a fancy wedding (I plan to have one of those too, don't worry) but I'd rather put more focus and emphasis on having a happy, healthy, functional, blessed marriage. Good things take time. I plan to put in the time to make my wonderful marriage work. Before that, I'd like to put in the time to ensure that my amazing relationship can progress towards being that wonderful marriage that we both want and deserve. So, next time you get the urge to ask me or any other dating but not yet married person "When are you getting married?" keep in mind that there are real people with real feelings within the relationship which is so much more important than the wedding. Just wait for the invitation.

Happy Housekeeping?

This past weekend, I spent my time on the East Coast at The Boy's new house (which is awesome and so perfect for him). Since I was there Thursday night to Tuesday morning, I offered to help him with some of his home improvement and housekeeping tasks so he could go to the office and I could help with the mental and physical burden that goes along with turning a house into a home.

What struck me as funny was how even though I mentioned doing his laundry, he kept telling me that I didn't have to. I know I don't have to do it, I'm not under legal obligation or a salary contract to do so. With that said, I am the girlfriend and I truly care about this man as well as his comfort and happiness. (I wont even get into all the new age women who can't/wont cook or clean but believe they are the greatest catch ever in life and think their man should do all of that for her on top of making a six figure salary while writing poetry. Well, I won't get into it in this post at least.) Because I know how quickly the little things add up, it was a no brainer for me to do some of those little things to help ease his mind.

Something I didn't really expect to feel was such enjoyment in doing those tasks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I want to become someone's full time maid, I dislike chores as much as the next person. I think what I felt was knowing that The Boy would appreciate the things I was doing and that making him happy makes me happy in return. In fact, it made me want to do more for him. I'm still an independent type woman and I'm not saying that I want to forego my dreams of being a successful business woman to stay in the house and clean up after my man all day everyday. Some people enjoy doing that and more power to them because I would go berzerk. What I am saying is that I didn't expect to get so much contentment out of doing such little things for one person. I guess I've grown to that point where I think of someone else's happiness as much, if not more, than my own. I can't wait to go back and spend time with him as well as do more stuff around the house because honestly, the guy needs some curtains.

Sometimes, expectations are the problem

On Saturday, I was in the grocery store. It was the first of the month so I expected it to be full of characters (boy, was I correct). In one of the check stand lines, there was a guy who looked to be in his late twenties, a little older woman, and a large late middle aged man.

The younger guy was in line buying a 4 pack of Monster energy drinks when the older guy starting talking very loudly to the younger guy about how people in that age range (which would include me) are so irresponsible and disrespectful. Some of the things he was saying was about how irresponsible people stay out partying rather than sleeping which is why Young Guy needed energy drinks. Older guy continued saying things about how our age group doesn't work hard or respect things or people. Young Guy turned to him calmly and said that it wasn't very cool to make other shoppers uncomfortable and asked him to lower his voice. Young Guy's request was ignored and he turned to Older Woman and apologized for what she had to hear. It was Young Guy's turn to pay for his purchase, for which he used  a $20 bill. He took his Monster drinks and said to the cashier "Give her the change, I'm sorry she had to be in the middle of that" before walking away. When Older Woman got to the check stand and was handed almost $10, she looked up and said "That's not my change, I haven't paid yet." The cashier informed her of Young Guy's statement and she got teary eyed.

It was quite an interesting sight. A lot of people like to blame our generation for all that is wrong with the world today when in fact everyone plays a part. I know that money doesn't fix everything but thought behind the gesture gave me hope that people's expectations can be horribly wrong and kindness can dwell in vessels of variable appearances. 

Why Not?

I recently had an encounter at Starbucks that I found rather interesting. As I was driving towards an open parking space, I saw a large truck come from the other direction and I was about 80% sure that the driver was going to hit me as I tried to park. (That was pretty unnerving considering that I had just gotten my car back from the body shop three days prior after being rear ended.) Luckily, our cars did not meet. The driver of the truck got out and headed towards the door and I was close behind. He was a nice enough but somewhat sad looking gentleman who greeted me and held the door open as I entered. As I was ordering, I heard in my mind (it could have been God, my good mood after getting a new book or simply the fact that I never view my Starbucks card as "real money") that I should pay for his order. While talking to the semi-bored looking girl behind the counter, the happier looking girl opened the other cash register and took the door opener's order. When semi-bored looking girl repeated my order and asked if there was anything else, I told her to add the door opener guy's drink onto my order and handed her my Starbucks card. Door opener guy turned to me and said "You don't have to do that, I can't let you do that!" I replied "Yes you can. Add his total to mine, just swipe the card." Semi-bored looking girl just stood there frozen with my card in her hand and her eyes darting back and forth between us like she was watching a tied match at Wimbledon. Door opener guy turned back to me and said "You don't have to do this, I don't know WHY you would do this." I took my card back, looked at him, shrugged and said "Why not?" That seemed to shut him up. He stopped arguing, tilted his head to the side like my confused puppy used to do and repeated to himself "Why not?" After he was done gazing off into the wild blue yonder for about seven seconds, he looked at me and said "Thank you, you really didn't have to do that." I told him that he was welcome and to enjoy the the rest of his day.

For some reason, my exchange with door opener guy has been on my mind ever since. That wasn't the first time i've done such a thing. I don't normally broadcast it because I feel that doing something nice for someone whether it is as minute as a smile or holding a door open up to bigger, bolder acts of kindness like donating a kidney, is between the giver, the receiver, and God. Something about this guy stuck with me. Maybe it was because he seemed kinda down, maybe it was the fact that he was so resistant to someone extending a small gesture of kindness his way. It could have been the moment of confusion that seemed to transform into a moment of clarity as he repeated my response to him of "'Why not?" I wasn't aiming to be profound, just being honest. All in all, I wish door opener guy very well in his life, wherever it takes him. In addition to that, I hope anyone reading this will think about whatever it is in their own life and truly ask such a question and stop hesitating with whatever is keeping you from moving to the next level. Realizing the answer to that question could be the key to unblocking your blessing. So, why not?